OF FUCKING COURSE I WOULD DOWNLOAD A SHIRT. I WOULD DOWNLOAD EVERY PIECE OF LACOSTE’S OVERRATED BULLSHIT. I WOULD BATHE IN THEIR AWFUL PERFUME AND WIPE MY ASS WITH THEIR STUPID TENNIS SHIRTS AND THEN DOWNLOAD A CAR AND DRIVE DIRECTLY INTO A PILE OF UGLY LACOSTE WATCHES LIKE THE FUCKING GOA DESIGN OR WHATEVER. THE ONE WITH ALL THE DOTS.
I WOULD DOWNLOAD ANYTHING. I WOULD DOWNLOAD A BABY IF I COULD JUST TO SAY I DID
Anddddd this is why those politicians/certain companies wanted SOPA and PIPA to pass.
inb4thepostneversaidtheywoulddoitillegallyTHAT’S THE JOKE. DO YOU NEED ME TO EXPLAIN IT? BECAUSE I WILL: THE JOKE IS THAT COMPANIES LIKE LACOSTE BACKED SOPA DESPITE NOT MANUFACTURING ANYTHING THAT COULD EVER POSSIBLY BE PIRATED, LIKE MOTORCYCLES AND TENNIS SHIRTS AND WATCHES AND CARS, WHICH CONFUSED AND ANNOYED ME; WHEN ASKED, THOUGH, I JOKINGLY SAID “YES, I WOULD DOWNLOAD A SHIRT IF I WAS PHYSICALLY ABLE TO DO SO,” AND IT IS FUNNY BECAUSE 1) IT IS LITERALLY PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO DOWNLOAD A PAIR OF PANTS AND WEAR THEM AND 2) IT PROVIDES FALSE JUSTIFICATION FOR ALL OF THOSE BUSINESSES TO WEIGH IN ON AN ANTI-PIRACY BILL BY PRESENTING A HYPOTHETICAL SITUATION IN WHICH THEIR PRODUCTS (WHICH, AGAIN, ARE PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO PIRATE) ARE PIRATED.
IT IS FUNNY BECAUSE IT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE AND BECAUSE IT IS SO EXAGGERATED. IT IS FUNNY BECAUSE ALL OF IT IS LITERALLY, PHYSICALLY, FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE. YOU CANNOT DOWNLOAD A MOTORCYCLE FROM HARLEY DAVIDSON. YOU CANNOT DOWNLOAD A CAR FROM FORD. YOU CANNOT DOWNLOAD A WATCH FROM ROLEX, OR A SHIRT FROM LACOSTE, AND YOU MOST CERTAINLY CANNOT FUCKING DOWNLOAD A GODDAMN BABY. THAT IS NOT EVEN HOW BABIES ARE MADE.
AND FOR THE RECORD, I WOULD DO IT ILLEGALLY. I WOULD DOWNLOAD EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE THINGS COMPLETELY ILLEGALLY, WHILST GLANCING OVER MY SHOULDER, BODY TENSE, READY FOR SHIT TO GO STRAIGHT TO HELL. I WOULD DUCK AWAY FROM THE WINDOW AND WHISPER TO MYSELF, “COME ON, COME ON, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT, DOWNLOAD FASTER,” AND THEN JUST AS THE MOTORCYCLE DOWNLOADED, THE FBI WOULD BURST THROUGH THE WINDOW, FEET FIRST, COMBAT BOOTS FLYING TOWARD THE GROUND IN A RAIN OF GLASS. I WOULD HOP ONTO MY PIRATED HARLEY DAVIDSON AND SCREAM, “SO LONG, YOU ORWELLIAN FUCKS; I AM MY OWN MAN,” AND I WOULD PULL OUT MY PIRATED LIGHTER AND SPRAY PIRATED PERFUME AT THEM AND LIGHT THEM ON FIRE. THEN I WOULD PEEL THE FUCK OUT TO DRIVE MY WAY TO PIRATELAND.
YO HO THIEVES AND BEGGARS. FUCK THE GOVERNMENT. FUCK THE WORLD. ANARCHY FOR LIFE
^^^THISSSS^^^
(Source: rottenweiler, via bonewhiteglory)
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- Jon Stewart: You don't think two affairs hurt someone who thinks of themselves as a champion of traditional marriage?
- John Oliver: What could be more traditional than the arrangement that Gingrich proposed? Throughout history Jon, traditional marriage has meant powerful men doing whatever the fuck they want, whenever the fuck they want.
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Etta James, “Nobody Loves You Like Me”
RIP FOREVER IN HER DEBT
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Violet Rose, in Three Steps to Better Sex (via muffdiver)
This reminds me of the post going around which contrasted the pathologizing of public breastfeeding with the gratuitous, objectifying images of women’s breasts that can be found in advertising.
The legal and social message is that our bodies are for purchase and exchange between men—and their liberty to buy us and sell us should never be infringed! NOT EVER! FIRST AMENDMENT! FIRST AMENDMENT!—not for us to do with as we please. Never that! (via mswyrr)
(Source: slingshot.tao.ca, via girlsgetbusyzine)
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The health of the land begins with shit, with dead bodies, with body parts that fall to the ground. It begins with death, decomposition, decay. It begins with eating, metabolizing, excreting. That’s how it has always been, since the beginning of life. You feed me, I feed the soil, the soil feeds everyone, the soil feeds me, I feed you, you feed the soil, and so on.
Our relationship, both personal and collective, with shit, and more broadly with our waste products, reveals much about our relationship with the land - with our habitat - and much about why and how this culture is killing the planet. In the case of shit, this culture has turned what was a gift from us to our habitat - a gift of fertile soil, given in response to the nourishment our habitat gives us - into something toxic, something harmful. Something shameful. And that is a terrible shame.
(Source: solitaryforager)
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